Weird Nerdy Sex
by thecanadian13
Summary: Add on to the episode 'The 23rd". Nick and Jess angst and humor. T for safety references.
1. Chapter 1

Weird Nerdy Sex

Contains references to "The 23rd"

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><p>"I'm sorry you missed your flight Nick." Jess spoke sitting on her bead as he leaned against her door frame.<p>

"It's okay. It's like a holiday tradition." He laughed at his stupidity. "Don't feel sorry for me right now. We all should be trying to comfort you, especially me." He looked down at the floor remembering the past night when he was stuck outside with Paul and Jess as they broke up.

"Oh, it's not entirely your fault that we broke up. I guess it was bound to happen and better get it out of the way before it got serious."

"I think it already was serious Jess," Nick said. "He bought you plane tickets and said I love you."

"Huh." Jess replied spacing out as she lingered on his final words letting the sound of them echo through her mind on a continuous loop.

Nick sighed. "So what did you get him again?"

Jess tilted her head and rolled her eyes. She knew he already knew, but for some reason it made him chuckle every single time. "I got him a heart. A 50 year old man with no smoking heart."

"Of course you did Jess." His smile curved almost as much as his turtle face. "So what did you end up doing with the other gift?"

"Wha- oh, that one." She grinned, her cheeks getting red. "I still have it. Saving it for someone."

"Is that just a vague someone of the future or do you already have someone picked out?" Nick asked half sarcastically.

"I don't know." Jess said partly in song. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason." Nick lied.

There was awkward silence for the longest time as Nick stood there unsure if this was his exit or not. "So what is weird nerdy sex?" Nick finally ventured breaking the silence.

Jess blushed again. Since when did she blush this much? "It's hard to explain..."

"Okay. I see. Don't tell me."

"I can't like explain it," Jess stammered. "I'd have to like, show it."

Nick stood frozen. Was she going to 'show it'?

Jess stood up and brushed past Nick at the door as she made her way to the kitchen leaving Nick alone. He wondered how stupid he had looked just standing there and mentally necked himself. "Hmm." He said out loud, but only audible to him. Walking over to her side table, he opened a couple drawers before sticking his hand in one and retrieving her little green Christmas gift. It didn't occur to him that she might notice it was gone, only that it would make him smile for the time being and maybe, possibly, come to use later down the road.


	2. Chapter 2

Weird Nerdy Sex (2)

Winston liked to sit at the breakfast table some mornings and tap out tunes on the wood, well fake wood surface in front of him. It was peaceful and it gave him time to think. Today however, he would not be able to.

"Dude, do you know how many wrongs you have caused? This-" Schmidt pointed to the general area around him, "will never be the same. I mean, it hasn't even been a month since they broke up and not to mention less than six that she has lived here and there you go, spreading your little manliness around. If you think you are stealing the role as leader of this group-"

"Schmidt." Nick rubbed his temples in stress, "I am not sleeping with Jess."

"Then explain this, huh?" Schmidt replied holding up the green letter away from him like it was contaminated.

"I... It." Nick didn't know what to say. Yes he could go around saying to his heart's content that he hadn't slept with Jess, but then he had to explain her letter and to do so truthfully was as he feared, worse than admitting any sexual relations with their roommate.

"Yeah, that's what I thought, you slept with her." Schmidt walked over to Winston and showed him the letter even though he, before then was and had tried to stay out of the conversation.

"Not with Jess." Nick tried again.

"Hey, did you need something; I heard my name." Jess spoke in her sing song voice as she made her way across the living room in her robe after her shower.

Nick froze and silently wished to be zapped out of the situation immediately. But to his avail, he had no such luck.

"Hey, Jess." Schmidt smiled as he walked over to Jess slyly. "We were just talking about you and Nick."

"Oh, what about?" Jess said taking her hair out of the towel and shaking it around in hopes that it would dry faster.

Nick rubbed his eyes as he braced himself for the next words.

"Oh, nothing." Schmidt lied. "Just that Winston and I were planning on going out to this club later and we didn't want to leave you and Nick here alone." He winked.

Jess tilted her head to the side as confusion set in, but was saved as Winston stood up and responded, "Changed my mind Schmidt, I am not going."

"Dude," Schmidt pulled him over to the side as he went to put his cereal away. "We aren't actually going out tonight; I was hinting at their sexual liaisons."

"Yeah, no shit Sherlock." Winston walked off leaving Schmidt gawking. "Some bro you are!"

"Listen Jess," Nick took advantage of Schmidt's distraction and pulled Jess over to the hallway beside her room. "If Schmidt says anything weird, just ignore it."

"Oh, I have been." Jess replied smiling.

"I mean, if he says anything upright wrong." Nick corrected himself as he swayed his hands side to side and shook his head.

"I know." Jess said laughing; not catching onto Nick's real intentions.

"No, no." Nick sighed. "I mean...Hmm... Schmidt has this outlandish thought that you and I are... You know..."

Jess stood there silently shaking her head. "I really don't know Nick, just get it out." She almost sounded ticked off. Did he say something?

"Never mind, Jess. Just keep on doing what you do."

"Okay, Nick. Nice chatting with you." She said sarcastically as she shut the door in his face.

Nick pounded his head against the wall. "Why?" He asked himself. "Why me?"


End file.
